35 week update, Daniel's developments...and the other Daniel

35 weeks in, headed in the right direction

Last week I had my 34 week checkup and a sonogram confirmed what my midwife had determined through manual palpation 2 weeks earlier: this kiddo is head down, ready to go.  Everything else looks good and barring any complications between now and then we're planning for a natural unmedicated delivery.  I'll be working with the same midwife and doula who helped me deliver Daniel so I'm looking forward to working with my "dream team" again.  I've got my next appointment on Monday (when we'll also do a tour of the hospital labor and delivery area to re-familiarize ourselves and make sure there are no policy changes since our previous visit) then after that I graduate to weekly appointments.

As you'd expect at nearly 9 months pregnant, I'm increasingly uncomfortable these days with frequent heartburn and pain in the pelvic area and lower back.  As if that weren't enough, this kiddo has followed big brother's lead and wedged up under my rib, which is as painful as you'd imagine it might be.  3rd trimester pregnancy+short torso=tight quarters=discomfort for mom.  And difficulty putting on shoes and socks...too bad it's not flip-flop weather, that sure was easy for the final months with Daniel.  But, discomfort aside, I know it could certainly be worse.  I don't really have to use the bathroom more than usual, a welcome change from my first pregnancy.  And even working some extra hours at work (we're swamped with Hurricane Sandy files), I'm not exhausted.  I'll drop the overtime soon and go to a regular 40 hour week, but given that a lot of women this far along have to be on restricted hours or even bed rest, I've got it pretty good.

Daniel's developing personality

Daniel completed his first semester of preschool and it went wonderfully.  He continues to enjoy school and talks a lot about his friends and teachers.  Especially at night when we lay down together in his bed-that's when he'll tell me about his day.  Not a lot of detail yet, but he'll name his friends who he played with and hit the high points of his day.  His details aren't always accurate but it's entertaining to hear.

 

He's learning a lot too, not just colors and numbers and such, but also practical skills like picking up behind himself and eating and drinking with minimal assistance.  It's been really impressive for us to see how much he has changed since he started school.  He is so proud of his new accomplishments and enjoys showing us new things he has learned.  He's especially fond of singing songs he's learned at school.

 

But he's also a two year old.  Which means the "no" phase was bound to hit sooner or later, and it did a few weeks ago.  Ask him any question and the answer is always "no!"  (Although, after 2 days with my parents last week for Christmas, at least it has become "no thank you" or "no, Mommy.")  Disagreeable, but kind of cute too, especially when we trick him into giving contradictory answers.  "Do you want to eat any more?"  "No!"  "Are you all done eating?"  "No!"

On a related note, when we ask him if there's a baby in Mommy's tummy he'll say "No baby, baby already gone."  And just to mix it up, sometimes he'll tell us the baby is in Daddy's tummy, or Daniel's tummy!  Oh kiddo, just you wait and see.

When he's not saying "No" to everything, he is speaking increasingly long and complex sentences and phrases.  He pronounces words very well for the most part but has a few he mispronounces-"gor" for "door," "tau" for "car," "palamies" for "pajamas" and "pomano" for "tomato."  One of the funniest things he misstates is a line from one of his books.  He's got a book with cars that make noise and the fire truck is his favorite car.  The book says the sound it makes is "neener neener neener."  We've said that to him but for whatever reason, he's decided that it should be "neener neener nit," and will insistently correct us if we say it "wrong" and make us say it the "right" way.

He still loves ending his day reading books and actively follows along.  The Sweet Smell of Christmas was his favorite for the past few weeks and he wanted to read it at least once a night, often twice.  While I was thrilled that he liked my favorite childhood Christmas book, we've read it so much over the past month that I've gotten my fill for awhile.  What's cute is that after reading Goodnight Moon so much and noticing the clock over the fireplace in that book, every time we read the Christmas book he has to point out that there's not a clock over that fireplace, then go back to the beginning of the book to show me the clock in the kitchen.  So a single reading of that book can take awhile!

 

In other news, he is fully potty trained!  He started daytime training in early September and while there were occasional accidents, he has been in undies during the daytime since then.  So in early November we decided to try putting him to bed in undies too.  At first we were doing a "dream pee" every night, where the last one of us to bed (usually Kevin) would wake him up and set him on the potty in the middle of the night.  But after a few weeks we stopped doing that and he still stayed dry.  He's had a few accidents but really, it has been a very smooth transition.  Most days and nights he stays dry and he's generally good about telling us when he needs to go.

Given that, I haven't washed a load of diaper laundry in 2 months.  It's been a nice break, but of course in a few short weeks we'll start all over again once HB comes along.  Still, it will nice only having one kid in diapers at a time.  He really made it easy on us by potty training before the baby comes!

 

The other Daniel

Over the past few weeks I've thought quite a lot about another little boy named Daniel.  I've never met him.  I should never have even heard of him.  He was no doubt a special, amazing child, but before December 14 there's no reason why I or anyone else outside his circle of friends and family should have known about him, any more than the world at large should know about my Daniel.

 

That Friday morning, both my Daniel and the other Daniel went to school as usual.  But that day was anything but usual at his school and sadly, he didn't come home that afternoon.  He is Daniel Barden, and he was in 1st grade at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

When I saw the news that day about a shooting at an elementary school I was, like everyone else, horrified and saddened.  And when I saw that so many children had been killed, like every other parent I thought the terrible thought of "what if that had been MY child?"  I couldn't wait to hold my little boy tight and know he was safe and sound.

 

Then when the victims' names were released I thought, "please don't let there be a Daniel."  But there he was, all of 7 years old, beaming at the camera for what must have been a school picture, proudly showing off his missing front teeth.  The fact that a child sharing my little boy's name had been killed made the tragedy hit even closer to home for me.

 

I thought about the way our Daniel says his name right now, "Dan-el."  Did Daniel Barden do that as a toddler too?  Did his mom say "Da-Da-Da-DANIEL!" to him, and did he respond back "Da-Da-Da-MOMMY!" like my Daniel does?  Is their kitchen cabinet full of sippy cups bearing his name like ours is?

 

A few nights later after we had read our 3 bedtime stories, Daniel cried when I said we couldn't read any more that night and it was time to go to bed.  I said "we'll read that book tomorrow night" then thought about how some of those parents must have said something similar that Thursday night not imagining that they would never read their child another bedtime story.  After that I crawled into bed with him and wrapped my arms around him till he pushed them away.  Then when I'd start to get up to go he'd say "Mommy, lay down," and I'd lay next to him once again, crying silently into his hair, thinking about the 20 moms (and dads) who would give everything they had in this world to be able to cuddle up with their son or daughter again.  It's a wonder I ever made it out of his room that night.

 

I remember someone telling me before I became a parent that having a child was like having your heart walking around outside your body.  I didn't really understand what that meant until Daniel was born but now I know.  To be a parent is to love that little person more than you love anything else on this earth, including your own life...which is both a beautiful and terrifying feeling.  As I remember seeing it phrased, the physical scars of pregnancy and childbirth heal, but becoming a parent creates an emotional wound so deep that it is forever raw and exposed.  Sandy Hook was a jarring reminder of that fact.

 

So, I took the name coincidence as a calling to send thoughts and prayers not just to the affected families in general but to his in particular.  I'm sure other parents who recognized their child's first name among the casualty list feel a special pull towards those children as well, as we all think, it wasn't my [name], but it could have been, God forbid.  It's kind of nice think of thousands of parents of Daniels lifting this particular family up, as the families of Noahs, Charlottes, and the other children do the same.

 

When I was running earlier this year I had gotten in the habit of dedicating each mile of a long race to a particular person.  Once I get back out there and start pounding the pavement again, I've decided that I'll include Daniel Barden among the people who get a mile.  He will never get the chance to run a marathon or half himself, but I like to think with the adventurous personality his parents described he'd enjoy being a part of those experiences.  Nothing big, but it'll be my little way of remembering the other Daniel.