I'm a little late with this one, but last week Daniel turned 3 months old. He's officially no longer a newborn anymore. My little baby is growing up!
Speaking of growing, he's in size 3-6 month clothes now. We loved his going-home outfit and were really sad when he grew out of it so when I saw it in the 6 month size on clearance a few weeks ago I snapped it right up. I thought it would be too big for another few weeks but it fits pretty well so he can dress to celebrate the Texas Rangers' improbable World Series run.
Here he is in his going-home outfit:
And here he is in the 6 month size:
He's becoming more and more adept with his hands and can grasp and hold toys. And as Kevin pointed out, he seems to prefer his left hand so far. I hadn't noticed it till he said it but now I see it. This video shows his increasing hand-eye coordination and his preference for the left hand.
Neither of us is a lefty, but I have a grandmother and uncle who are so maybe he's following their lead. From what I'm reading it seems a bit soon for a baby to have a hand preference so his current lefty tendencies may not mean much but if he does end up lefthanded we'll be able to say we saw signs of it early on.
Also, aside from the occasional exception, he generally goes down for the night between 7-8 and sleeps till I wake him up around 5:40. On weekends he'll sleep till 7 or so. He's a great night sleeper so we're pretty lucky. Till last week we swaddled him to get him down for the night but now most night he does fine in just a wearable sleep blanket which keeps him warm but keeps his arms free. We're hoping he'll start taking longer daytime naps on a consistent basis but in the meantime we're grateful that he sleeps so long at night.
Here's his 3 month picture. A few weeks ago we had to take out the newborn insert and rethread the straps on his carseat to account for his growth. He's not the little newborn we took home from the hospital anymore!
For comparison, here's his 2 month picture:
And just because he's so darn cute, here are a few more pictures:
I have officially completed my first week as a working mom and so far I have to say that while it's an adjustment, it's going pretty well. I was really feeling sad about having to leave him for the first time and built it up so much in my mind that the anticiption proved to be worse than the actual happening itself. Well, for the most part anyway.
Monday night I showered before going to bed so I would have one less thing to worry about the next day. Tuesday morning I got up and got ready but had to retouch my makeup because I would think about leaving Daniel and tear up again. I got Daniel up at 5:45, changed his diaper, then sat down on the couch with him to nurse. He ate for about 30 minutes then around 6:15 fell asleep eating. I held him for a few more minutes just listening to him breathe, feeling his little hands on my chest, and watching him sleep so peacefully. Finally when I couldn't wait any longer I carried him up the stairs to his crib, heart in my throat. I kissed him, told him I loved him, and set him in his crib then I was out the door and on my way to work.
I cried on the way there and had to take a moment before getting out of the car to compose myself. When I came in the front door at 7 I saw a friend at the receptionist's desk but didn't stop to talk because I knew I'd lose it if I had to talk about him right away. Fortunately I was the first in my area to arrive that morning so I had some time to myself to settle in and by the time more people came I felt better. I was still pretty on edge though and missing my baby. Then just as I was getting up to take my first pump break I got an email frome Kevin. It said "Hi Mommy, I miss being at home with you but Daddy and I are having a lot of fun," and had a picture from Kevin's phone camera showing a smiley, happy Daniel. It was just what I needed and I felt much better. I knew Daniel would be okay without me there but seeing that picture really helped.
Once I knew he was okay I was able to settle in and start getting caught up on work and enjoy seeing my coworkers again. Instead of tearing up when someone asked about Daniel I proudly showed them pictures. The rest of the day seemed to go pretty quickly and before I knew it it was 3:30 and time for me to leave, then 15 minutes later I was opening the garage door to the house and holding Daniel in my arms again.
The rest of the week went much better, especially when my office group brought in a breakfast spread to welcome me back on Wednesday (they waited till that day so my boss who had been out of town could be there). I was really touched by their thoughtfulness and it was nice to know they were glad to have me back and wanted to help make my first week back special.
I call home every day to see how Kevin and Daniel are doing. They've had a few tough moments but overall it's going well. Daniel is eating well and enjoying his days with Daddy. Because I get in to work so early I get off early too and spend the whole evening with them.
A day in the life Here's a typical daily schedule now: 4:30 Wake up, feed cats, shower, dry hair, put on makeup 5:40 Get Daniel from crib, change him, feed him 6:30 Put Daniel back to bed, come back downstairs and use manual pump so I can start the day on "empty" 6:45-6:55 Leave for work 7:00-7:15 Arrive at work 10:00-10:25 First pump break 2:00-2:25 Second pump break 3:30-3:45 Leave for home 3:45-4:00 Arrive at home, feed Daniel 4:00-6:30 Spend time with Daniel 6:30-8:00 Give Daniel bath, feed him, put him to bed 8:00 Eat dinner 9:00 Pump so I can go to bed "empty", wash pump parts and pack bag for the next day 9:30ish Go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again (Okay, so I haven't been very dilligent about getting to bed this early, but I need to be!)
It's a full day and about every other day I'll do a load of laundry to wash our diapers. Right now I'm pumping much more milk than Daniel eats during the day (more on that in a minute) so in time I may drop the early morning and/or late night pumping sessions and any given day I could do it if I needed to. But I figure until I know how much I'll be pumping at work once my body starts thinking Daniel only eats twice between 6:30AM-4PM, it's better to err on the side of overproducing for now. We can always freeze excess milk but if I start having supply problems it'll take more work to overcome them.
Pumping 2 days after Daniel was born, when I was discharged from my hospital room and Daniel was still in the NICU, I sent Kevin out to buy my breast pump so I could pump milk for us to feed Daniel while I was still getting the hang of nursing. Since then, until Monday night, it had lived on my bathroom counter. In the early weeks I'd usually pump before going to bed then get up around 3AM to pump again so Kevin would have enough milk to cover 2 night feedings. Later as Daniel started sleeping more I dropped down to pumping just once a night. For the last few weeks I really didn't even need to do that because in a typical week Daniel would only get a few bottles, but I did it so I wouldn't have to go to bed full and to help pad our stash.
Monday night I packed up my bag and now it comes to work with me every day. Every morning and afternoon I go to the "Mother's room" in my building to pump. It's nothing fancy, just a repurposed supply closet, but it's got everything I need: a chair, table, electrical outlet, and not least important, a locking door.
Here's a picture. Not sure why Blogger insists on showing it sideways when it's saved vertically, but you get the idea.
I get everything all set up and open a magazine to read. I set the timer on my cell phone for 15 minutes and start the pump. While the pump is doing its thing I pass the time by reading or playing on my phone. After the timer goes off I turn off the pump and carefully disassemble everything. I turn the pump back on with just the tubes connected and let it run for a few minutes to clear condensation from the tubes. I log my production into my Milk Maid app, put the milk bottles or bags into the cooler, and take the pump parts to the breakroom sink to wash them out. I leave the bag and all supplies in the room after my morning session and bring it back to my desk in the afternoon.
All in all it's a pretty decent setup. The only real inconvenience is having to pack everything up and get it back out each time. But with 3 of us using that room right now, we each have to leave it ready for the next lady.
I know some women hate pumping but I actually don't mind it. It definitely doesn't provide the satisfaction that nursing does but it's not unpleasant and it helps me feel connected to Daniel when I can't be there in person. I can't hold him in my arms but I'm still feeding him. Plus, it's nice to get to take time out of my day to be a mom...and to read a magazine, play Words with Friends, and catch up on Facebook.
I'm really grateful my office is supportive of working moms by making it easy for us. While the new health care law mandates that nearly all offices have to provide reasonable accomodations and pump breaks for breastfeeding moms (yay!), my office was already doing it before the law came into effect.
All in all, the first week went pretty well. And now that the weekend's here I'm looking forward to spending two whole days in a row with Daniel :)
After 12 too-short weeks, tomorrow will be my first day as a working mom. This day seemed so far off back in July but then time just sped up and carried us into October. The days at home often felt long but the weeks seemed to go by in a blur.
I can't believe how much he's changed since he was born. In July we took home a newborn whose going-home outfit was too big. Now he's outgrowing his 3 month clothes (almost 2 weeks shy of that milestone, no less), holding his head up well, smiling, cooing, and now laughing. He's discovered his hands and feet and enjoys putting his hands in his mouth and grasping things. And lately, he's turned into quite the drooler too!
I have mixed feelings about going back to work. I don't really worry about how Daniel will do during the day because he'll be home with Kevin through the end of the year, thanks to paternity leave and saved up vacation time. So he'll still be in familiar surroundings and he'll get some good bonding time with Daddy. I'm sure the first few days will be a little challenging for both of them but they'll find their routine soon enough. Once January rolls around Daniel will spend his weekdays in the care of Kevin's mom so while he won't be with his parents anymore he'll still be with someone who loves him and getting one-on-one attention. So, I don't feel guilty about leaving him. He'll be in good, loving hands.
My job is also pretty conducive to a good work-life balance. I'm fortunate to have a job that is only 40 hours a week. I can get in as early as 7 am to be off by 330 so I still get the whole evening with Daniel. I don't ever have to take work home with me or work nights or weekends, and Grandma's house is so close to my office that it'll be easy for me to go see him at lunch if I want to.
So all in all I have the ideal scenario for a working mom. And I'm sure once we get into a routine it'll work out well. And of course, I have to say that I'm grateful to have been able to take 12 weeks off in the first place. Grateful that my employer was happy to give me the time off and even when the only other person who does my job announced his retirement just before my departure, my boss just brought someone in to cover for me and didn't pressure me at all to come back sooner. Grateful that we could afford to be without my income for 7 weeks. And that between paternity leave and our "granny nanny," Daniel gets to be cared for by family for as long as we want to. We are truly lucky for all of that.
All that being said though, tomorrow morning I'll get up, get ready, and feed Daniel. I'll hold him in my arms as he drifts back to sleep. If I have time, I'll hold him for awhile after he falls asleep before I take him back up to his crib. But then the moment I'm dreading will come. I'll set my peaceful, sleeping boy into his crib and...I'll leave and not be there when he wakes up.
There are some things I'm looking forward to though. I am looking forward to being able to actually sit down and have lunch at a reasonable time rather than having to shovel it down or eat really late because he didn't want to go down for a nap. I'll enjoy getting to see my friends again and the intellectual stimulation of work. Most of my maternity leave wasn't paid, so it'll be nice to be earning money again. And it'll be good for me and Daniel for me to get more comfortable with the idea of leaving him in someone else's care. I don't want to be one of those moms who can't trust anyone else with their child. I have a hard time with that now and I'm sure more time at home with him would only make me more that way. As satisfying as it is to be the person who can always soothe him, it's better for him if he gets used to being soothed by people besides me.
Tomorrow will be a hard day, no doubt about it. But all my working mom friends say it gets easier. And while I won't be there for him during the day in person, thanks to pumping he'll still be getting my milk for every meal. I'll be able to pump at work and I've already got a pretty sizeable stash of milk in our fridge and freezer, over 120 oz. Each morning and afternoon I'll take my pump bag to the unused supply closet that has been repurposed into a mother's room. I know some women hate pumping but I'm actually looking forward to it. It'll be nice to have that connection with him and know that even if I'm not there to hold him, I'm still able to give him the best food he can possibly get. For those pump breaks I'll get to emphasize the mom part of "working mom."
It'll be hard to get myself up tomorrow. But I'll have the reward of knowing that I might be home by the time Daniel wakes up from his afternoon nap. And just like I think many women build up labor pains in their mind to something much worse than the real thing, I'm sure the anticipation of separation is worse than the reality will prove to be. And in truth, Full-time Mommyland isn't a place I'd want to live. But it proved a pretty nice place to visit, and I'm proud to say I think I did pretty well there.
