The road less traveled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

-The Road Less Traveled, Robert Frost 

I've hinted in a few previous posts about a big change in my family's life so now it's time to let the cat out of the bag.  I don't usually post about myself directly but this time I'll make the exception.

As of early July, I work for myself.  Or to be more specific, I work for a professional corporation I created.  I left my SBA job of almost 8 years to start a solo law practice from home.  I'll have a nanny watch Rebecca Tuesday-Thursday but Mondays and Fridays I will generally plan to just work from home during her naps.  I'll focus my practice on will preparation and estate planning, probate, and family law, all areas I've worked in previously and enjoyed.  I'm also considering getting trained to be a mediator.

This was a major change for me and my family and not one I made lightly.  But in the end, it wasn't really a hard decision when I considered where my personal and professional priorities lie.  When I sat down to consider what was most important to me in a job I put family-friendliness first, the opportunity to do interesting and challenging work second, and earnings and other benefits third.  

I enjoyed my time at the SBA and learned a lot there.  I had many wonderful coworkers whom I'm privileged to count as friends and I couldn't have asked for better managers all the way up my chain of command.  I'll always be proud of our work to help disaster victims and my efforts to help prevent and assist in the investigation and prosecution of disaster fraud.  And most of the time I enjoyed a predictable 40-hour work week.  It was a good job and a chapter of my life I'll always remember fondly.

But after doing the same thing for a long time I was ready for new professional challenges.  I wanted to learn and do new things and develop different skills.  And while my family and I were able to make the standard 40-hour weeks work for us easily enough, during periods of heavy workload we suddenly had to adapt to longer hours and sometimes 7-day weeks.  That was tough and would surely be harder with 2 young children.  Even when a heavy work period is "only" a month or two, kids change so much when they're young that that's a big period of their lives to miss.

During the fall of 2011 I was on a 7-day detail for 2 months straight and I stayed home one Saturday morning to get some time with Daniel.  That morning as I looked on he took his first steps.  I didn't want to risk missing those moments.  But more than worrying about missing the major moments, I want to be around for more moments period.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

While I was home on maternity leave I really enjoyed getting so much time with the kids and the family just "ran" better when I was home more.  I'm the family coordinator who makes sure trains run on time and where they need to be and we all benefit when I have a little more time to do that.  And Daniel really benefited from more one-on-one time with me.  Even picking him up just an hour earlier from school seemed to make him a much happier boy.  He loves school but I think he benefits from a little downtime in the evening.  And our relationship benefits from that time too, especially if Rebecca is napping and he and I can play.

Also, Kevin had some interesting opportunities available at his job but they would require more time and travel.  It was hard to envision that working out with both of us having full-time jobs and 2 young kids but if I had a more flexible schedule suddenly that became a possibility.  Maternity leave was my chance to travel a day down that other path and I liked what I saw.

Those 12 weeks at home made me wonder  whether there was a better way for me to balance my career and family life.  I talked to several friends and former colleagues who had started their own practices, including a few with home-based part-time practices.  That idea seemed like it might align well with my career goals but I knew this was a major decision and not one to make during the heightened emotions of a maternity leave that seemed to be slipping through my fingers.  So I decided to return to work and, if I still felt the same way after a month or so, think more seriously about a change.

The truth is my return to work wasn't hard.  That first day was tough but I slipped back into the routine pretty quickly.  It's like spending all day inside, becoming used to the ambient temperature, and not even realizing it's cold until you step outside then back in.  With a few more months I'd have acclimated back to business as usual.  But fresh off of maternity leave and with plans for a solo practice percolating in my head, I knew it was time for a change.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

And so one day I walked into my boss's office, gave my notice, and made it official.  Kevin's paternity leave ends this week so it made sense to time my transition accordingly.  For a number of reasons that was also an ideal time for my office to transition my position to someone else.

July 2 dawned and I drove to the SBA for the last time as an employee.  My work group gave me a wonderful send-off and I went to lunch with my best SBA friend.  Then that evening I handed in my letter of resignation, carried out the last of my belongings, and turned in my badge.  Just like that a chapter was closed and a new one begun.  As the song says, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

The next day we took off for our annual family vacation-not the worst way to spend my first day of self-employment!  Since our return I've spent my days getting my practice set up.  It's a work in progress but I'm excited about all the opportunities that lie ahead on this new road!

In the best case my practice will be successful and fulfilling and I might even be able to claim the title of primary breadwinner. But worst case scenario, even if I try it for a few years and decided it wasn't for me, I'll still have gotten more time with the kids and gained some valuable experience. Framed that way it was an easy decision.  I may succeed, I may fail, but either way I'll know I tried and will never wonder "what if?"

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I've often said I want to empower my children to run a business, run a household, and run a marathon.  This year I'm going to lead by example on all 3 counts, so look for me at the finish line of the Dallas Marathon this December!  Have a baby, start a business, and run my first marathon in the same year?  Why not? :)

"I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get more confident being uncertain. I don't want to shrink back just because something isn't easy. I want to push back, and make more room in the area between I can't and I can. Maybe that spot is called I will."

-Kristin Armstrong, Runner

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.  Next up: Padre vacation, Rebecca's 5 month update, and Daniel's 3 year update.

Rebecca: 4 months

Once more I find myself getting a monthly update in right under the wire.  Maybe next month will be better!

Nearly 5 months in Rebecca continues to be as easygoing and cheerful a baby as you could imagine.  She sleeps and naps well and almost always has a big smile on her face and big beautiful blue eyes full of wonder.  When we are out somewhere with her we get lots of comments about how pretty, well-behaved, and alert she is.  She almost never cries, even when she's off schedule.  I call her my mellow mushroom...she's just content to take everything in if she's secure in loving arms.

She's still enjoying Kevin's paternity leave and now, thanks to another new development (another post I'm overdue on), she will enjoy more time with me too.  She loves Daniel and watches him alertly whenever he's nearby.  He's very sweet with her too.  On our recent vacation to South Padre Island we had the kids share a bedroom and one day we tried to put them both down for a nap.  She started crying and I heard Daniel get out of bed, come over to her crib and reassure "it's okay Baby Rebecca, it's okay!"  Such a sweet big brother.

Not a lot of big news in developments this month.  She continues to hone her rolling skills and can roll back to tummy and tummy to back.  In light of this newfound skill and our switch from swaddling to the sleep sack, tummy sleeping has become her favored sleep position and she'll sleep like that for 12+ hours and wake up with a smile on her face.  She's also got increasingly strong legs and can now stand pretty well assisted.  She laughs too, especially if I rub my head on her tummy, and it's the sweetest sound in the world.

She's still exclusively breastfeeding and eating well.  She isn't teething yet that I can tell but she puts her hands and just about anything else she can get her hands on in her mouth.  I don't remember Daniel being so "mouthy" at this age; maybe she'll teethe a little earlier than he did.  Or maybe it's just her means of self-soothing.

We never used a pacifier with Daniel and at this point I would guess we'll probably not use one with her either. As far as I'm concerned if she doesn't need it, it's one less thing for us to have to worry about.  Yay for self-soothing babies!

Here's her 4 month carseat picture:

3 months old

I started this post a few weeks ago and didn't get around to finishing.  Now her 4 month birthday is just days away...

I spent Rebecca's first 12 weeks at home with her on maternity leave.  When I went back to work in early May Kevin started his paternity leave and they've spent the last month at home together.  They're enjoying the time together.  Kevin goes back to work in late July and when that happens...well, we've got a great plan for that, but I'll save those details for another post.

3 months in Rebecca is a very mellow, easygoing, happy girl.  She smiles, giggles, and coos, especially when she sees us.  She enjoys playing on her activity mat and rolls from back to side a lot.  She's learned how to roll over from her back to tummy fairly well but sometimes she'll get an arm stuck under her and cry.  I haven't seen her roll tummy to back yet but I know it's just a matter of time.

One funny thing she does that I don't recall Daniel doing is making this loud "wounded bird" squawk. Sometimes she does it when she's unhappy but often it's just a noise. 

She's still sleeping swaddled for now but as she gets more proficient at rolling she'll graduate to a sleep sack.  She often frees an arm and/or legs from the swaddle. Her sleep schedule has adjusted a bit now that I'm back at work but she still sleeps well.  She goes down for the night by about 8:30 and wakes around 6 or so.  Then after I feed her I put her back in her crib and she'll usually nap for up to an hour till it's time to go with Kevin to drop Daniel off at school.  Then she takes a long nap for 3-4 hours from mid-morning to early afternoon.  Then she'll nap another hour or two in the early evening.  I get her up by 6 to feed and bathe her before she goes down for the night again.  She's a much better napper than Daniel ever was.  We got lucky with 2 great sleeping babies!

She's eating well too.  She nurses every morning and night with me and takes several bottles of pumped milk from Kevin during the day.

One of her favorite times of day is bath time.  She smiles and coos up at me as I pour warm water on her.  If Daniel's in the tub too he likes to help bathe her.  She's very fond of her big brother and smiles when she sees him.  For his part he's a sweet big brother but can be bossy too.  She likes to suck on her hands and he'll see that and say "no, Baby Rebecca!" as he pulls her hands out of her mouth.  And sometimes if he's sitting next to me and I ask if he wants to hold her he says "no, she's very very big."

It's been a busy month for Rebecca: 2 family weddings and her baptism.  It was nice to introduce her to our big extended Daniel family and my aunts and cousins loved holding her.  Here she is all dressed up for cousin Scott's wedding:

And cuddling with cousin Adele:

May 19 was her baptism.  Given the wardrobe malfunction we had at Daniel's baptism we had a pretty low bar set for a successful event.  Fortunately Rebecca did just fine.  She got a little fussy waiting for her turn at the baptismal font (she was one of four baptized at that service) but the closest we came to a wardrobe malfunction was that her shoes kept falling off.  It beats a diaper blowout!

 

"Sitting up" on the couch.  In only a few more months she'll be doing it unsupported. She's already come so far from the newborn we brought home in February!

How Daniel sleeps: a photo essay

Every night before I go to bed I go into each kid's room and give them a last kiss goodnight.  When I see Daniel sleeping in an odd position I take a picture.  These pictures are all taken in a dark room with a flash so they're blurry but I think they capture the moment.

 

He sleeps on a twin mattress on the floor.  His bed has a pillow, sheets, and a bedspread but you wouldn't know it from these pictures.  He likes to keep it simple.

 

Here are a few shots of him sleeping:

 

 

Note the pillow at his feet.  His head is at the foot of the bed.

 

 

 

Lying sideways, bottom in the air.

 

 

 

 

This is the flamingo pose.  Interestingly I find that I often do the same thing in my sleep.  You wouldn't think it would be comfortable but for some reason it is.  Oh, and again his head is at the foot of the bed.

 

 

 

 

He sure does like the foot of the bed!

 

 

 

This time he decided to mix it up and lie east-west in the bed.  One nice thing about having the mattress right on the floor, if your feet dangle off the bed they're not just hanging in the air.

 

 

 

And then there was the time he wasn't in his bed at all. He was on the bathroom floor.  Apparently he got up to use the potty and didn't have the energy to make it back to his bed!

 

 

 

The strangest sight of all-Daniel actually lying north-south in his bed, head on the pillow, covers pulled up!

 

Yucky kisses

A few weeks ago when we were visiting my parents my mom used a mommy Jedi mind trick on Daniel: the Brer Rabbit briar patch trick.  How do you get your grandson to give you a kiss?  Act like it's the last thing you'd want.  She'd say, "oh no, don't you dare give me kisses, yuck!" and sure enough, suddenly he couldn't wait to kiss her.

Since then he delights in showering Mommy with yucky kisses.  He says "I give you yucky kisses" then laughs as I make a big show of wiping it off.  In fact, if I don't wipe it off, he says "Mommy you wipe off the yucky kiss!"

Such a sweet, funny boy!  I love all of his kisses, "yucky" or not.

Rebecca at 2 months

Well, by now it's actually almost 11 weeks, but at least I'll get this post in before she hits 3 months ;)

Here's her 2 month picture:

 

 

We had her 2 month checkup last week.  The pediatrician was pleased with Rebecca's growth and development.  She weighed in at 10lb 12oz and measured 23in long.  By comparison Daniel was 11lb 10oz and 23.5in.  I thought she felt bigger to me than I remembered him being but turns out she's a little smaller. 

 

Right now she's in the 41st percentile for weight and 65th for height on the CDC charts but if she follows Daniel's path she'll becoming increasingly light for her age.  Given that the CDC charts include formula-fed infants as well, who tend to put on weight more quickly for a number of reasons, and that long lean babies run in our families, neither we nor the pediatrician will be concerned if she's on the lower end of the chart so long as she is eating well and developing properly.

 

Rebecca is eating quite well.  She nurses 6-8 times a day and is starting to spend more time on a side and in a total feeding.  Daniel was regularly getting a bottle or two a night for his early weeks but because of her wonderful sleep schedule from day one, I'm able to nurse her for every feeding.  I think we could count the number of bottles she's gotten on one hand.  That's about to change soon though-next week is my last week of maternity leave then Kevin will be home with her into late July.  But I'll be pumping at work, and have over 200 oz of milk stashed in our freezer, so she'll still be getting breast milk even when I'm not there to physically deliver it to her.  Daniel adjusted well to taking bottles and I have every reason to think she will too.

 

I feel a little guilty to even admit this when so many of my friends' babies don't sleep well, but Rebecca's a wonderful sleeper.  She regularly sleeps 10-11 hours at night.  In the evening she'll usually nurse on one side for a very long time, close to an hour, then drift off to sleep for a bit, then either she wakes or we'll wake her to change and swaddle her and let her nurse on the other side.  She usually falls asleep doing that or shortly after, and then she's down for the night.  She sleeps till around 8-9 most mornings, which has been awesome for me while I'm on leave but doesn't mesh well with my work schedule.  So this next week we'll cut out that last feeding at night and change and swaddle her before the long feeding then put her down.  Ideally she'll be waking around 7 so I can get ready then nurse her right before I leave.  It's nice that my biggest baby sleep worry as I head back to work is having to adjust her schedule so she won't sleep so late!

 

She had been napping for about an hour and a half in the morning and 2-4 hours in the afternoon but for the last week or so she had been napping more fitfully and often waking after only 45 minutes.  Since we wanted to start transitioning her from napping in the bouncer seat to napping in her crib anyway, it seemed a good time to introduce a swaddle for naptime to see if that might help her sleep a little longer and consolidate her naps.  A few days in it seems to be working well.  Today she napped twice for over 2 hours each lying swaddled with her head on my nursing pillow (a good transition from the upright position in her bouncer to lying flat in the crib). 

 

The swaddle is just a short-term tool.  Within a few months she'll be rolling over and we'll switch to sleep sacks, but Daniel had no problem with that adjustment so I'm not anticipating a problem for her either.  It's amazing how much the first kid sets the expectations.  Daniel was generally an easy baby, so we expected him to adjust to change well, so we had the confidence to do what worked in the short term without the fear that we were setting up a long term habit he'd have to unlearn.  That worked well with him so we're doing the same for her.  Of course they are different kids so what worked for him won't always work for her, but it gives us our default plan.

 

One thing we haven't had need for with either kid is the pacifier.  We offered them to Daniel a few times and he didn't have much interest or need.  So far Rebecca seems the same way.  I think we may just be blessed with two kids who are exceptionally good self-soothers with little need for attachment items like pacis, lovies, or a favorite blanket.

 

Another thing we learned from our experience with Daniel was that he hated bathing in his baby bathtub but loved when one of us sat in the tub with him and held him in the water.  That's all we've done for Rebecca and she loves it.  Daniel's a poky eater so while he's finishing his dinner I'll take Rebecca up and we'll sit in the tub together.  She loves for me to drip warm water on her tummy and she especially likes having her hair washed.  When Daniel comes up he likes to help bathe her.

 

Rebecca is not much of a crier.  As long as she's fed, rested, and clean she's usually a very content baby.  But she does get lonely if I set her down and go to the other room for very long.  And thus far, she's very partial to Mommy (no surprise as she spends far more time with me).  She can sit in my lap, perfectly happy, but then I hand her to Kevin and within minutes she's crying.  Once they've been home together for a few days though I know they'll find their groove.  She adores Daniel and likes to look at him and smile but being a toddler, he doesn't always love on her as gently as she'd like.  He likes to give her kisses though!

 

Just like Daniel, she loves being worn in a carrier.  For the first 8 weeks or so I exclusively used my ring sling but now that she's got better head control and is a little bigger I've been using my beco carrier to distribute her weight more evenly over my shoulders.  We went to the Dallas Zoo last Saturday and while Daniel excitedly looked at the animals (a topic for another post), Rebecca slept most of the day away in the beco.  We fit right in with the marsupial mammals in this picture!

 

 

I've enjoyed my time at home with Rebecca.  She's such a mellow, happy baby and quite the little cuddler!



 

Daniel update

As Daniel gets older his personality is becoming more and more developed.  It's fun to watch!

Bath time fun

I mentioned last time that he has started doing more imaginative play.  The latest development on that front is that now during bath time he likes to pretend he's having lunch at school.  I was in the tub with him one night and he said it was lunchtime and pretended to hand me a sandwich.  The sandwich course was followed by juice, oranges, yogurt, and tomatoes.  We also sang the grace song the kids sing at school ("God our Father, God our Father..."). 

I asked him what we do after lunch and he showed me to throw away our trash, zip up our lunchboxes, put them on the counter, then lie down for nap time.  I was also reminded that "we don't talk during lunch, we eat during lunch!"  He proudly described his red fire truck lunchbox and then as I named his classmates he told me what they have.

 

It was cute to see him acting all of this out with no props but his imagination.  He was so excited when I joined in.  It reminds me of how, when he starts to sing a song and I join in, he gets this look like "wow, Mommy knows it too?"  It's like he landed in a foreign country and was delighted to find the locals understood him.  Interesting to see how his mind works.

 

Now "lunchtime" is a part of our bath routine.  Also part of the bath routine: bubbles, fizzing color dye for the water, and tub crayons.  If he says he doesn't want to come upstairs for bath time I just say, "what color bath should we take?" and he suddenly wants to take his bath! (Mommy Jedi mind trick)  He also likes making "bubble beards" and when I gave him a big white beard of bubbles he said "Ho ho ho!" 

He loves for me to get in the tub with him and I'm glad for the chance to get some one-on-one time with him.  It won't be long before he's too old to bathe with Mommy so I'll enjoy it while I can.

Using his words

He continues to speak quite well and is starting to use pronouns.  He used to always refer to himself in the 3rd person but now he'll use "I".  He doesn't really know the word "me" yet so he'll say "Mommy help I" or "sit by I".  When I take Rebecca to the changing table he'll say "her pooped."

He still can't quite say "car" correctly but now it comes out more like "cow".  And when he wants us to unplug something he'll ask us to "plug it out" (which in fairness does seem like a reasonable opposite to "plug it in").  Pajamas are still "palamies" too.

Lately he's been asking more questions too and using inflection at the end of the sentence.  The funniest example was tonight.  We have some wire hung up by the back door with binder clips to hold up and display Daniel's artwork.  It fell down the other day but this afternoon I put the art back up.  I told him that at dinner and he responded "you did?" with this excited voice.  It was really cute :)  When we do something for him he'll enthusiastically say "there you go!"  We aren't getting the "why" question yet but I'm sure it's not far off.

Overall, he's just a lot more communicative and conversations feel increasingly like a two-way street.

Independence
More and more he wants to do things himself.  He'll say "Daniel do it!" or sometimes just "Daniel!"  He can turn the lights and fan in his room and in bathrooms on and off by finding something to stand on.  He also likes to open his toothpaste (aka "Thomas" because it has Thomas the Tank Engine on the tube) and brush his own teeth with his Darth Vader toothbrush.  (How do you get a toddler to brush his teeth?  Have his toothbrush command it in a deep voice!)  He's also learning to take off and put on shirts, though that's still a work in progress.

Big brother

He's usually very sweet with baby Rebecca, or "Bay Abucca" as he calls her.  He gives hugs and kisses, asks to hold her and tries to nurse her.  The other day he was looking at her and said "I love her" as if he'd just realized it.  But he has also hit and pushed her a few times too.  Fortunately those moments have been the exception to the rule. 

I think he'll enjoy her even more once she's old enough to crawl and interact with him more.  He likes to lie on her jungle themed activity mat with her and hold her hands and tries to show her how to kick the toys on it.  For her part, she adores him.  She loves to look at him and smiles.

 

 

Friends
He has also enjoyed some fun birthday parties and play dates this month with his buddies Alejandro and Noah.  The boys were all born in 2010 and their little sisters were born in late 2012/early 2013-perfect playmates for Rebecca!

 

Here's a picture of the boys when they were babies.  Daniel was about 2 months old and Ale and Noah were 6 months. 

 

I remember how huge the age gap seemed then, and especially since the kids were on on opposite ends of the growth chart so my little 2 month old looked even littler next to big 6 month olds.  But now the boys play wonderfully together.

And here's a picture of the girls.  Note that we preserved the Rangel/Williamson/Elborai order as before.  And notice how strongly Rebecca resembles Daniel.  Seriously, switch the clothes and you'd be hard pressed to tell which is which!

Montessori Night
Last week Daniel's school had a Montessori Night when the parents were invited to come up to watch the kids do the projects ("works") they work on during Montessori class time.  Here are some pictures of Daniel showing off his skills:

Bug bowls: He had 3 colored bowls with matching tongs and matching small toys.  The goal was to use the appropriate-colored tongs to pick up the toys and place them in their respective bowls.  Some of the toys were pretty small so he had a hard time with the tongs and would instead grab them with his hands.  Creative and pragmatic, but doesn't develop the fine-motor skills like the tongs do.  This one is a good challenge for him right now.

Counting puzzle: He had to connect the puzzle pieces by counting up from 1 to 10.  This one was also a little challenging for him but he was able to finish it.  When he did he looked up proudly and said "I did it!"  He looked over at us but also at his teacher, Ms. Becca, when he did.  Clearly he was happy to see approval on all 3 faces.  It was another nice little sign of how attached he is to her and how much he enjoys being in her class.

Another puzzle: This one looked like it would be a challenge for him with so many pieces but he whipped through it with confidence.  Clearly it wasn't his first time doing this one.  It must be a favorite (he even smuggled home one of the puzzle pieces the other day!)

Frog clips: This is another work that focuses on fine motor skill development.  Ms. Becca said this is one where she's been able to see a lot of improvement with Daniel.  Today he was able to arrange all of the clips around the bucket lid, but a few months ago he couldn't.

Metal inset tracing: This is a Montessori classic.  He first traced the inside of a metal shape inset like the circle at right.  Then he copied over the tracing to learn how to draw the shape on his own.

It was fun to watch him show his skills.  He obviously enjoyed the works and is learning a lot.  It was fun to see the beaming smile of "I did it!" after he'd finish one.  Makes me wish I could be a fly on the wall in his classroom every day to see that.

Next week we have our spring parent-teacher conference.  I'm so amazed at all of the changes we've seen in Daniel since his first day of school last July and look forward to seeing what lies ahead.