It’s been 6 weeks since Rebecca was born (yes, it has flown
by) and I’ve had the threads of this post in mind for a while but it’s taken this
long to put them in writing. Now that
the pregnancy is over and baby is here I’ve been thinking back over decisions I
made along the way and how they’ve played out.
Staying active during
pregnancy:
My goal was to be as active as possible. For about the first 18 weeks I was great
about that and Rebecca can already boast of completing a sprint triathlon, half
marathon, 15k, and 10k, as well as many runs and bike rides. Then August came along bringing ragweed
pollen and with it, allergies, a sinus infection and a terrible cough that hurt
my ribs. All of that kept me sidelined
for several months and once it finally resolved I was far enough along to be quite
limited and when I couldn’t run I lost my motivation.
I was in good enough shape beforehand that it carried me
through and I felt okay throughout the pregnancy but in hindsight I wish I’d
made more effort to exercise toward the end, even if just by walking. My intentions were good and I started strong
but didn’t keep it up as well as I’d have liked.
Oh well…at least I’m making up for lost time now. I got an adapter for my jogging stroller to
hold her car seat and Rebecca and I have already gone on a handful of short
runs. So far I’m pretty slow but I can
feel improvement every time I go out. I’ve
had my sights set on December’s Dallas Marathon since before the pregnancy and
I look forward to being greeted by both my kids as I complete my first
marathon.
Not finding out the
gender:
Before we even tried for a second child I knew I wanted to
let this baby’s sex be a surprise. I
thought it might be hard to wait but honestly, it wasn’t. Maybe it would have been harder with a first
child; this time around I didn’t focus nearly as much on being pregnant. We already knew our birth plan and had our baby
gear so we weren’t spending hours researching everything.
The payoff came on the big day. I’ll always remember kneeling in that
hospital tub, having just caught my child in my own hands. Slowly lifting the baby away from my body as
first the face and then the tummy were revealed. Then Kevin’s voice from over my shoulder, full
of excitement, saying “We got a girl!”
Then hugging my daughter to my chest and kissing her. Unfortunately our photographer wasn’t there
yet to capture the expressions on our faces but even if I’ll never know how I
looked in that moment I’ll always remember how I felt.
It was also fun to be able to imagine a boy or a girl
throughout the whole pregnancy. Naturally,
after savoring both possibilities for so long it was a little sad to close the
door on the boy dream. I think of those Daniel’s
outgrown clothes in the attic which we won’t get to dress another boy in and
the boy name we won’t get to use. If we’d
had a boy I’d have been sad to close the door on my dreams for a girl and
knowing that we’d never have a girl might have been harder. But of course we were eventually going to
have to close one of those doors and it was fun to enjoy a few extra months of having
it both ways.
Not inducing:
If you’re looking for a way to get attention from co-workers
I recommend going to work the week after your due date. Every day I was asked several times: “you
haven’t had that baby yet?”, “shouldn’t you get induced?”, “is it safe to go
past your due date?”, and variations on that theme. Many were surprised that my care provider had
“let me” go past my due date and thought it must be dangerous for the baby, as
though my uterus was a landlord that would shut off the utilities at precisely
40 weeks. Several were shocked that I
hadn’t requested induction myself; wasn’t I uncomfortable and ready to have
this baby?
Of course I was quite uncomfortable and mentally exhausted
from sitting around waiting for the watched pot to boil. And if there were any signs that baby was no
longer thriving I would have induced.
But having watched Daniel spend his first days in the NICU I wasn’t
about to take any actions that might increase the likelihood of complications
for this baby.
Maybe induction would have been successful and Rebecca would
have been perfectly healthy; I’ll never know.
But if she had had any complications I would always have wondered if the
induction had caused it and I couldn’t justify introducing that risk just for
my own comfort. I reminded myself that if
the baby was still inside, it was for a reason, and compared to the 10 months I
had already waited, another day or two (or eight!) wasn’t so bad. The easy labor and healthy baby that awaited
me at the end of the pregnancy made the longer wait worth it, and I’m thankful
that my midwife didn’t try to pressure me to induce.
Deciding when to
leave for the hospital:
We went to the hospital that afternoon for my scheduled 41
week checkup. I wasn’t in labor then, or
at least, I didn’t yet know I was. By
the time it was over though, about 5PM, contractions were well established but
still at least 8 minutes apart. We could
have hung around the hospital to wait for labor to being in earnest but we
chose to go home and spend the evening with Daniel. We expected the baby to come very late that
night or in the wee hours of the morning.
At home I tracked my contractions using an app on my
phone. They were certainly becoming more
frequent and intense but didn’t fit the textbook definition of active labor
(occurring at least every 5 minutes, lasting at least 1 minute long, for at
least 1 hour-5/1/1 for short). We
decided to give Daniel his bath, read him a story, tuck him in, then head for
the hospital.
As it turned out we cut it closer than we intended. Around 8 I picked up the phone to call our
midwife to see if we should come in.
Just as I was about to call I felt my water break so we set out for the hospital. I called Maria from the car and told her we
were going in. She noted that I still
seemed relaxed and able to talk easily and joke so she wondered how far along I
was.
While I wasn’t too anxious, Kevin apparently was. After we arrived he admitted he had worried
the whole time that we’d be having the baby on the side of the road! We arrived about 8:30 and Rebecca was born at
9:20, so suffice to say we definitely didn’t err on the side of being too
early.
In hindsight it might have been better to leave sooner or just
hang around the hospital after the appointment.
But I’m glad we got to spend Daniel’s last night as an only child with
him. He was already down for the night
when we left so even though we stayed at the hospital two nights to him it was
as if we were only gone for one (and my mom, whom he adores, was staying with
him). It was important to me to know
that even as I was working to bring my second child into the world I was giving
as much time and attention as possible to my firstborn.
Natural birth:
This wasn’t a decision, it was the default. We knew all along we wanted the same midwife
to deliver this baby at the same hospital and with the same doula as we’d had
for Daniel’s birth. The only question
was how much preparation we needed to do this time. We did a 6 week Bradley class the first time
around but having already been there, done that we didn’t feel like we needed the
classes again. We did read back through
the class materials to refresh our knowledge and remind us what to expect.
We also did some relaxation exercises where I’d lie in bed and
Kevin would squeeze my ankle and I’d practice lying still, relaxing, and
breathing deeply through the discomfort.
And when I remembered to do it I practiced tailor sitting and squatting,
but to be honest, I wasn’t very diligent about that. I didn’t do very much physical preparation
for labor this time. But I did spend a
lot of time visualizing it and remembering Daniel’s birth, getting in some
“mental reps.”
This labor was so different from the first one that the Bradley
techniques still helped but in a different way.
The first time the physical preparation was a lot more important given
the 37 hour duration.
This time labor was so short that the physical part was
easy. Between the shorter time and my
body already knowing what to do (which of course contributed to the shorter
time) this labor wasn’t really physically taxing. The drive to the hospital was uncomfortable
because I couldn’t adjust my position and the transition stage was really
intense as the contractions came one on top of another but all of that together
was maybe an hour. Most of the labor passed
relatively painlessly at home as I played with Daniel, ate dinner, packed our
last-minute items, and even addressed valentine cards. It wasn’t the most comfortable evening I’ve
spent but it wasn’t really physically taxing.
The real challenge this time was staying calm and confident
through the quick pace of it. From what
I’ve read online many women with fast labors describe the experience as being traumatic,
excruciatingly painful, and scary and talk about feeling out of control as the
birth happened to them in a blur.
I have no basis for comparison so maybe my contractions were
unusually mild or I have an unusually high pain threshold. But I suspect much of the difference in
women’s perceptions of their birth experience has to do with mental preparation,
and to me that was the real value of the Bradley teachings for this birth.
I expected the contractions to be uncomfortable so I
practiced pain management techniques and as a result, they felt easy. I also think the Bradley classes did a good
job of explaining what’s going on during the stages of labor. I knew that the transition stage was when the
cervix dilates the final few centimeters and while it’s the most intense stage,
it’s also the shortest. Knowing that and
being able to remind myself of it in the moment kept me calm and focused. Knowledge is power.
I don’t know how much information other birth classes give but
I can imagine that a woman who didn’t know what to expect in transition, whose
pain management plan consisted solely of getting an epidural, would find a fast
labor to be scary. But I didn’t find the
short labor scary at all. In fact, after
37 hours the first time, it was nice for things to move so quickly!
The biggest advantage I had this time was the experience of
having done it before. I didn’t just
know the textbook definitions of the labor stages, I knew how they felt. Despite things progressing so quickly I was
actually able to think about what was
going on more than I remember doing with Daniel. Kevin and Maria were there to support me
physically, and their presence was certainly comforting, but I found that I
didn’t really need encouragement and emotional support as much this time because
I had my own well of experience to draw from.
I was my own labor coach and cheering section.
While the pain might have been intense for a few moments the
memory of that had already faded by the next day, but I’ll always remember how
strong and capable I felt that night. By
the time 2013 closes I’ll have become a marathoner and I hope by the time I’m
40 I’ll have become an Ironman but even those achievements won’t match the
excitement and sense of accomplishment I felt on the days my children were
born. Childbirth wasn’t something that
happened to me or something I endured, it was something I did.
