So here we are several days past my due date with no baby yet and no indications that labor is imminent. Physically I feel pretty much like I have for the past few weeks, which is to say I'm fairly uncomfortable but no worse than you'd expect for the final weeks of pregnancy. But mentally it's frustrating to have reached the endpoint we've been looking forward to for the last 9 months yet still be out of reach of the prize.
It's like training for a marathon, finishing 26.2 miles then being told to continue running in place for some undetermined time before you're done. I know due dates are arbitrary and had even mentally added a few days to ours to give a little cushion but we've passed that date as well as the "official" one and for all I know we might have hours, days, or even another week to go and just like running in place, the scenery doesn't change.
My plan all along has been to work until labor begins, health permitting, so I've been at work every day this week. While the constant barrage of "you still haven't had that baby yet?" questions gets annoying, staying busy has definitely helped the days to pass more quickly than they would have if I were sitting at home. Plus, I'm not burning leave time before the baby gets here and will be able to spend my full planned 12 week leave period with the baby.
In the evenings I get home and enjoy the time with Daniel, always mindful that this might be his last night as an only child. My mom's been here since Sunday so she can watch him once we head to the hospital and he has been loving the time with her. He loves school and his extended care friends but it's a treat for him to spend his afternoons with Mimi instead this week. And when we do finally head off to have the baby I know he'll be enjoying his time with her rather than being worried or upset that we're not there.
So I mentioned the 5 stages in the title. The theory is that when a person grieves they go through 5 different emotional stages in processing it. After this week I can say the same theory holds in dealing with a late baby. If I were artsy like the Crappy Pictures blogger this post would be decorated with funny pictures, but since I'm not we'll just imagine the accompanying illustrations.
Denial: No, we're not going to go past our due date again. Surely not. Or at least, not as long as last time. This can't be happening again...
Anger: This sucks. I'm tired of being pregnant, tired of waiting, tired of being asked by everyone I see "when are you gonna have that baby?" Enough already!
Bargaining: Maybe if I eat [insert spicy food] that'll push this baby over the edge. Alas, so far all it pushes over the edge is my heartburn.
Depression: I'm going to be pregnant forever. I'll be at work again tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. Because THIS BABY IS NEVER COMING.
Acceptance: Finally got there today. This baby will come when s/he is ready and absent indications to the contrary, I'll assume that until that happens, this baby is still better in than out. This morning on the way to work I decided to treat myself to a Frappucino and bought bagels for my work group to thank them for helping to make this week more bearable. Hopefully tomorrow they're finishing up the leftovers without me but if there's no baby yet and I go to work yet again at least I'll have a good breakfast to look forward to.
At my appointment Monday Cecily offered that if I got this far with no baby that I could come in to have my membranes swept if I wanted to try to speed things along. I can't say the idea of moving things along wasn't tempting but I decided against it. If I've waited this long I can wait another few hours/days for this kid to arrive on his/her own. If we end up with another NICU situation without elective interventions that would be one thing, but if I tried this and then we ended up with a complication I'd feel responsible. So unless something changes between now and then I won't see her till my next appointment on Monday. If we get to that point we'll have a sonogram to make sure kiddo is still thriving, and depending what it shows we can decide if it's still appropriate to wait or if we need to induce.
We'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully it brings a baby. But if it doesn't, I'll try to stay in acceptance mode and trust that this baby knows better than the calendar when s/he should be born.
Your perspective is so interesting! Count your blessings, as raising a preemie and being induced was extremely stressful. If I am ever pregnant again, I imagine being SO thankful not to develop preeclampsia and make it to 37 weeks and beyond! But of course, the grass is always greener.
ReplyDeleteIt has definitely crossed my mind several times this week that there are plenty of moms whose premies are in the NICU who would love to trade places with me. This won't go down as the most enjoyable week of my life but it could surely be worse. If I've waited this long another day or two won't kill me and might be just what this little one needs to ensure that s/he gets the best possible start. If you have a second I sure hope that pregnancy goes easier for you. Hansa is surely worth it all but you deserve an easier second round!
ReplyDelete