Grandmother

This week my maternal grandmother passed away at the age of 93.  I'm 33 years old, but this was only my second time to lose a grandparent.  Daniel won't get to know her in person, but I'm looking forward to sharing stories about her with him.
The first word I think of when I think of her is "cheerful."  She just always seemed to be happy and in a good mood and she loved to laugh.  While it was hard for us to watch her memory erode as dementia set in, she remained as cheerful as ever.

On reflection, that leads me to the second word that fits her.  "Brave."  Not in a big, daring adventure sort of way, but in the way she handled the unsought challenges that came her way throughout life.  She lost her mother in a car accident when the car my grandmother was driving was hit by a drunk driver.  While there was surely nothing she could have done to prevent it, she must have always been haunted by it.  Then after she and my Granddaddy married, World War II took him away to the Pacific theater.  While he returned home safely I'm sure she nervously awaited his return, and did so while raising their first child, my aunt.

Then a few years later came perhaps the most heartbreaking tragedy of her life, when their son Tommy died of pneumonia.  They buried him on his second birthday.  As a parent myself I can't begin to imagine the overwhelming sadness, and as with her mother's death, she must have wondered if she could have done anything differently.  Many people never get over the loss of a child, but she and my grandfather carried on, and a few years later my mom was born.  I think it takes a great deal of courage to become a parent again after the loss of a child.  My mom, and by extension me, my brother, and Daniel, are all here because she did.

In 1983, she suffered the loss of her husband of 40+ years when Granddaddy died.  As she had several times already, she grieved this loss but continued to live her life and provided her family with many more years of happy memories.

Bravery takes a lot of forms.  Sometimes it's just the quiet courage to embrace life one day at a time and maintain a cheerful attitude in spite of difficulties and sorrows.  In her own way she was a strong lady and she left a good example for us to follow.

I remember some fun and funny times with her:
- When David and I were little we took turns flying up to Dallas for one-on-one visits with her.  That was my first time to fly by myself.  While I was there she took me to the library and the pool at her retirement complex.  Sitting out in the heat was surely not her idea of fun but she was a good sport.
- She was no Julia Child, but we enjoyed making spaghetti, jello, and pumpkin pie together.  The other night my mom and I made spaghetti together as a tribute.
- She joined my family for a trip to Padre Island once when I was younger.  We were walking on the beach one night but she didn't see a sand dune and tripped and fell.  One minute she was right next to me, the next she was on the ground.  She laughed it off.  Then the next day, she had a longneck beer with her lunch.  Given that my brother and I had never seen her drink before it was a funny sight to see her kicking back with a longneck.
- When I was in junior high and my parents went on vacation, Grandmother came to Austin to watch David and me.  We had dinner every afternoon (yes, afternoon) at Luby's to "beat the rush" and she had a hard time getting my dad's car out of the garage.  As she'd back out she'd say "come on, car!"  I couldn't help but think that even though I was only 14, maybe we'd be better off if I drove.
- She had an old gun (I think it was her father's) that she called "Peter."  Which even into her 80s, she kept in her apartment.  I'm sure Peter didn't make the move to the retirement center, I wonder what became of him?
- She could be feisty.  After Granddaddy died she had short stints in Austin and Indiana before opting to move to a series of senior apartment complexes in Dallas.  Then in the late 90s my mom and aunt decided it was time to move her closer to one of them so the decision was made to move her to a retirement home in Houston.  The home was quite nice but this was not change Grandmother could believe in.  She asked the girls to move her back to Dallas, they said no, so what did she do?  Only orchestrated a return to Dallas all by herself by phone.  She got an apartment, movers, and even negotiated for someone to drive her car up for her.  Mind you she didn't have a computer or probably anything but a Dallas yellow pages book, but she had the will and she found the way.  Eventually she wound up at a wonderful retirement/assisted living center in Austin, but she bought herself another 4-5 years of independent living with that move back to Dallas.
- Her last year in Dallas was my first year of law school at SMU and I lived near her, so I went over to her apartment every so often for dinner.  I'd usually pick up sandwiches for us at the Jason's Deli nearby and we'd eat and visit.
- She had some funny sayings we didn't understand.  I came over to her apartment once and she said, "did you bring home a dead cat, kid?"  No clue what that was in reference to.
- She did, however, seem to enjoy my (live) cats when I brought them over to her apartment when she lived in Dallas.  Even as her memory was slipping she remembered my cats for a long time.
- Sadly, her dementia was progressed enough by the time I met Kevin that she didn't really understand who he was, but when he joined us for Christmas she did comment that "he smells nice."  Well, good to know ;)
- She saw Daniel several times but never knew he was her great-grandson.  But the last time we saw her she did have a special moment with him.  She was sitting at her usual table in the Summit dining room eating her dinner (incidentally, it seems we spend our early days in diapers eating mushed-up food, and, if we live long enough, our last days as well).  Daniel and I came and sat down with her.  For the first few minutes she didn't seem aware of us but then she looked right at him, lit up in a smile, and said "oh you sweet thing!"  Those are the last words I ever heard her say, and I'll always be grateful for them.  I wish she had known the little boy in front of her was her great-grandson, but I'm glad he brought her joy in that moment.

Here are a few pictures:

7 month old me with Granddaddy and Grandmother

Granddaddy and Grandmother on their honeymoon.  Check out those fancy boots and riding pants!

Christmas sometime in the early '90s.  We're laughing because someone just dropped a camera into the piano lid!

This week Daniel and I went to Austin for a quick visit to help/support my mom.  While we were there we went to my grandmother's assisted living center and my mom asked if I wanted to take anything.  Grandmother had had a full china set before but it was now down to a few pieces.  I chose a serving platter and bowl which had apparently been my great-grandmother's first.  Now those pieces are living in my china cabinet and while they don't match my contemporary pattern, I'll enjoy seeing them there. 

When Kevin and I got engaged my paternal grandparents offered us their silver, and I gratefully accepted.  I liked the idea that over the coming years when my family sits down to a holiday meal, my grandparents will still be part of our lives even though they won't be sitting at the table.  Now that Grandmother's china is there, she'll be a part of those festive occasions too.