Todd cat

"Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missin' home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go"

Today we said goodbye to our 18 year old cat Todd. His health and weight had gone downhill significantly in recent months so this morning I took him on the one-way trip to the vet clinic.

Todd joined our family back in Labor Day weekend, September 2001. I had just moved to Dallas and started law school. My "family" at that point consisted of myself and my other cat Tim, whom I had adopted in college. I thought Tim would benefit from a playmate so I went to the SPCA shelter downtown to look for cat to adopt. 

There were a lot of cute kittens but I was looking for an older cat. I noticed a big gray 6 year old tabby with beautiful green eyes and a handsome white face who quietly but assertively commandeered his kennel and padded confidently to the food bowl as the other cats deferred. He seemed cuddly and sweet and the notes left by his previous owner painted a picture of a gentle, easygoing cat whose eviction from his prior home had come due to incompatibility with a new puppy. I paid his adoption fee and took him home.

Tim and Todd didn't immediately hit it off and seemed a little wary of each other but soon they were friends, wrestling, playing, and lounging together. Being cats, they were content to keep to themselves pretty often but got along pretty well.

His encounters with my parents' lab Penny, however, were less cordial. Penny was thrilled to meet him and expressed her enthusiasm by bounding her big yellow lab self over to him, barking excitedly, and licking her new friend. Todd expressed his displeasure by hissing, clawing, and snapping at her. Call it a mixed grade on "playing well with other animals."

He was extremely cuddly and affectionate with me and got along with Kevin but generally made himself scarce when company was around. He was an introverted kitty and never happier than when he had my undivided attention. Cats are said to be aloof, and people say if you adopt an older animal they won't bond to you like a puppy or kitten would. Well, this old cat was the most affectionate pet I've had in 35 years. He loved to sleep next to my bed (after Kevin and I got married and he was banished from sleeping in the bed itself) and I'd almost trip over him when I woke up because he wanted to greet me immediately. He waited for me to get out of the shower so he could lie on my feet while I dried my hair and put on my makeup. 

Sometimes his attentiveness crossed over to annoying and I'm convinced he can't have gotten underfoot that often on accident. I even learned to walk cautiously in the dark so as not to trip over or step on him. And I don't think I own a pair of jeans that doesn't have at least one snag in them from his claws. But his flaws were outweighed by his sweetness and it took little to make him purr and nuzzle me with his head (alas, to my chagrin, even if I was wearing black slacks, which he'd cover with fur as he'd brush past).

Here he is at his healthy (well, chubby) normal weight:

I was curious how the cats would handle the change when the kids came along. To my surpise my fiercely devoted introvert actually seemed surprisingly eager to play with the kids. He and Rebecca especially enjoyed each other's company and until a few weeks ago he seemed to find his way to where she was playing quite a lot. Babies and preschoolers aren't always gentle but Todd was pretty patient with them. I never saw him bite or scratch the kids even when his tail or fur got pulled.

Rebecca loved to find him hiding in my closet lately:

Daniel kissing him goodbye this morning:

I'm sure it must have started sooner but I didn't really realize Todd was declining until after Christmas. That's what having 2 kids under 4 to chase around will do. He had enjoyed napping under the (real) tree and had the sap-covered fur to prove it. I tried to brush the tangles out but that seemed to hurt him so I gave him a bath instead. It didn't help and since the tangled knots didn't seem to bother him I just left them as they were. He used to be very particular about his grooming and took it upon himself to keep not only his own coat impeccable but Tim's as well.

When he was in the tub I realized how thin he had gotten. Gone were the rolls of fat that used to hide his ribs. He felt half his weight. And while he used to mightily protest his baths this time he was too weak to make more than half-hearted effort to climb out. I knew he wasn't eating as much as usual but with 2 cats it's impossible to know who's eating and who's not without watching the bowls all day.

Last month I took him to the vet for an evaluation and learned he had dropped from his regular 16 pounds to 7lb 2oz, Rebecca's newborn weight. At that visit there was no obvious need to take immediate action but I left knowing that one way or another, Todd's last day was drawing nearer.

Over the past weeks he seemed to get thinner and more withdrawn. I realize thinking back that he must have stayed upstairs on the carpet because it was warmer for him than the cold wooden floors, though he was always happy when I'd turn on the fireplace for him. 

Despite his obvious decline it wasn't an easy decision. I worried that I might pull the trigger too early and rob him of some good days or weeks or worse, that I might delay too long and cause him unnecessary suffering. He wasn't eating much, drank lots of water perhaps as a sign of kidney issues, was having toileting issues, and spent most of his time huddled in my closet or on the stairs. Every morning I woke up expecting and frankly hoping to find he had passed peacefully during the night to relieve me of the burden of having to make that decision. This week I decided it was better to act a little too early than to risk being too late and made the call.

Last night I held him in my lap for hours and listened to him purr happily. I wondered, not for the first time, if I was doing the right thing. Then this morning, Kevin and the kids told him goodbye and I wrapped him in a towel and cuddled him in my lap for the short drive to the vet's. I had decided that for this trip we would forgo the cat carrier, which always made him anxious. The song on the radio, fittingly, was Let Her Go.

I asked the vet tech to weigh Todd before we went back to the procedure room. If he had maintained his weight or even stayed close I'd have seriously considered canceling. But he was down to 6lb 4oz, a significant loss in just 4 weeks. I knew waiting any longer meant running the risk of a painful, not peaceful end and I owed my faithful old friend better than that.

We went back to the room and waited for the vet to gather the needed equipment. After 12+ years my remaining time with Todd was now measured not in days or even hours, but minutes. Seconds.

I thought back to some of our good times together. When he used to cuddle on my lap while I'd study, or sleep on my bed. When he and Tim kept me company during early labor with Daniel. His terrible fight skills with Tim and how slowly and deliberately he would move his open mouth at Tim as if to say "I.am.going.to.bite.you!" Only Tim's equally poor fight skills kept their scrimmages remotely competitive. 

Then a knock on the door, the vet came in, and our time was up. The actual procedure itself was fast and as easy and peaceful as falling asleep. I wrapped him in a towel and held him. It took less than a minute.

The vet left and gave me some time to say goodbye to Todd. I took his collar, clipped some fur to save, and went back home to what is now a 1-cat household. I've got a scratch on my wrist and hand from when I had picked him up that morning to carry him to the car. The last scratches I'll ever have from my Todd cat.

We'll miss our sweet old "Todders" but I'm glad I could give him the peaceful end he deserved. I had been talking to Daniel in preparation for a few weeks about how Todd was very sick and soon he was going to go to live at Jesus' house. As he says "we're a little bit sad and a little bit happy." 

I feel sad that Rebecca won't have any memories of him, and Daniel might not either, but both kids' first word was "cat." He's a part of their early years. And a big part of my adult life to this point. He moved with me 4 times and learned to share me with Kevin and two young kids and through it all he was always my buddy, just happy to be near me.

Farewell old friend. We love you and will miss you.

Rebecca: 12 months

The birthday party post ended up being long enough with all the pictures that I decided to make the monthly update its own post. We had Rebecca's 12 month checkup this week and as expected, she's a small, happy, healthy girl. She had only been 13 lb 3oz at 9 months so I was surprised that she was up to 15lb 7oz and 28.25 inches. Her iron levels were on the lower side so we'll use a supplement to help get her more iron but other than that, her measurements look great and she's developing well.

She remains an enthusiastic eater, nursing 3-4 times a day and eating 3 solid meals. Lately oatmeal seems to be the favorite but she's also quite fond of salmon and shrimp. My little seafood fan!

She's still a great sleeper at night and for her morning nap. Her afternoon nap is hit or miss these days but generally is about an hour in the early evening. At some point I'm sure her first nap will shift a little later and the 2nd nap will drop off.

She is getting closer to walking. She can stand unsupported for several seconds and cruises confidently around the furniture. She enjoys crawling up the stairs too. She hasn't shown any interest in trying to go down them yet and the one time she got up to the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs she cried until I came to rescue her. Daniel by contrast was adept at crawling down the stairs by this age and when he reached the baby gate he'd attempt to get down on his own, sometimes with a fall. My adventurer and my cautious child.

She doesn't have any distinct words yet but that's another milestone that seems to be drawing nearer. She seems to be trying to say "fishie" when she looks at the fish stickers on her wall and "cat" when she looks at Tim or Todd. Daniel's first word was "cat" so maybe we'll go 2 for 2 on that.

Her 12 month picture:

Looking at Mommy's bridal portrait:

Happy to wake up in the morning:

Mommy's little file clerk:

Standing up looking at books:

It's been a wonderful first year with our little girl!

Rebecca's 1st birthday

Last week Rebecca rolled over the odometer for her first birthday. We had 2 celebrations, the first a week early with our familes and the second the weekend after with a small play date with close friends. 

For the family dinner my parents, Kevin's mom, brother and sister-in-law, and Gena, our nanny, came over for a homemade dinner of butternut squash ravioli and rosemary brown butter, roasted purple cauliflower, stuffed zucchini boats, and cupcakes for dessert.

Singing Happy Birthday

Enjoying her cupcake, or at least enjoying making a mess of it

With Grandma and Uncle Scott

With Gena, the kids' nanny

With Baba and Mimi

February weather is tough to predict and we've ranged from the 20s to the 70s. Fortunately last weekend was on the warmer side so her birthday play date involved a trip to the neighborhood playground.

Yes, she's wearing a sleeveless dress in February!

With her friend Gabi. Of course I didn't think to get a group picture till half of the group had left, and as you can see Rebecca was pretty well partied out by that point. But she, Daniel, and their friends had a great time playing and enjoying burgers fresh off the grill and another round of cupcakes. It was the perfect laidback afternoon we had wanted and it'll be really fun to watch the girls start to play together more in the coming year as they step further into the toddler stage.

Daniel's TOT performances

One of the nice features Daniel's preschool offers is the chance for the kids to participate in sports programs.  Mondays he does soccer lessons with Soccer Shots and Tuesday is basketball with Teams of Tomorrow (TOT).  Given the kids' ages the lessons are pretty low-level and focused more on teaching ball-handling skills, sportsmanship, and balance than on the finer points of the game, but Daniel consistently enjoys them.  They're a nice outlet for my active little guy to burn off some energy.

Every fall and spring TOT arranges for their kids to have the opportunity to perform during or before a local basketball game.  In December they were the halftime entertainment for a TCU women's basketball game and last Saturday they were the pregame show before a Harlem Globetrotters game at the American Airlines Center.

Daniel enjoyed both performances but seemed much more comfortable and confident the second time.  He had a loud cheering section both times.  Our friends the Millwees met us at the TCU game and he got to play with their kids Natalie and Justin, plus his friend William who was also in TOT. And for the performance last weekend my parents came to visit. He was quite excited to have "Mimi" and "Baba" here.

Here's a picture of him with SuperFrog, the TCU mascot:

And some pictures from the Harlem Globetrotters performance:

And a video of him in action.  My favorite part: "playing the piano!"

I was really impressed to see the difference in just over a month's time.  I know he enjoys the lessons during the week so it was fun for us to get to see him in action.

Books I read in 2013

Now that we've gotten settled into 2014 a bit it's time for a bit of blog housekeeping as I clear out my 2013 reading list and start 2014's.  Here's everything I read in 2013:

• Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, Chip and Dan Heath
• Calico Joe, John Grisham
• The Associate, John Grisham
• Sycamore Row, John Grisham
• David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcolm Gladwell
• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck
• Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts On Life Unarmed, Glennon Doyle Melton
• Man In White, Johnny Cash
• Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard, Chip and Dan Heath
• And the Mountains Echoed, Khaled Hosseini
• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Roger Fisher
• Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time, Brian Tracy
• Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation, Michael Pollan
• Bossypants, Tina Fey
• Solo By Choice: Carolyn Elefant
• Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work, Chip and Dan Heath
• Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg
• The Emotional Life of the Toddler, Alice Lieberman
• Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children, Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman (r)
• The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg
• The Signal and the Noise: Why So Many Predictions Fail-but Some Don't, Nate Silver
• How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character, Paul Tough

My favorites this year were Lean In, Decisive, and David and Goliath.  I've already reread the first 2 and will doubtless reread the Gladwell book as well (also, nerd alert: I bought tickets to see him speak in Dallas next month and super-excited about that).  Gladwell is my favorite author so no surprise I enjoyed that one.  His books always make me think and stick with me.  Lean In and Decisive were both just what I needed to be thinking about as I contemplated the decision to leave the cozy confines of the SBA and strike out into solo practice.

Disappointments included The Emotional Life of the Toddlers (good information, but kind of boring) and the Associate (it's like Grisham was just going through the motions on that one).  An unexpected surprise was Man in White, Johnny Cash's historical novel about St. Paul.  It helped bring stories I already knew into better focus and made me think.  I wish he had written more Biblical historical fiction, he was obviously gifted in that regard.

22 books in 12 months...I stayed busy.  It was a good year.  And with that list now cleaned out I'm motivated to get moving on this year's list.

The "medium car"

Kevin's car is in the shop this week for some minor repairs so he's got a loaner car in the meantime.  The loaner is a Toyota Camry which, being neither too big nor too small, Daniel has dubbed the "medium car."  He's very excited about the medium car and looks forward to being driven to school in it in the morning and to play in it in the garage in the evening.  Who knew something so minor would be so exciting to a preschooler?  Alas for him, the repairs probably won't take more than a few more days.  I suspect there will be many tears when we bid the medium car adieu and bring Kevin's car back home.  Till then, the medium car is being thoroughly enjoyed at this house!

Rebecca: 11 months "Not yet...but almost"

Hard as it is for me to believe my baby is less than a month from her first birthday.  Is she a year old yet?  As Daniel would say "not yet, but almost."

She's still enjoying crawling around the house and pulls up to standing.  She isn't really cruising yet but I've seen her stand unsupported a few times.  Walking is coming soon, but whether "soon" is next week or in 3 months I don't know.  It'll happen in due time.

One interesting difference I see between her and Daniel is that as he'd reach a few mobility milestone he'd take advantage of the ability to explore the house, while Rebecca uses it primarily to reach me.  She does explore too but it isn't her primary motivation.  She does however enjoy "dancing" to music:

And climbing the stairs:

She also likes to walk by pushing her dino toy.  Daniel loved it when he was that age too.  When he got bigger we turned it into a scooter and between his use and hers it's lived in our living room for the past 2 1/2 years.

All that moving around gives her quite an appetite.  She nurses 3-4 times a day and gobbles up plates full of solid food.  Sweet potatoes and peas are still favorites but over the past week she has enthusiastically eaten ravioli, roasted radishes, rutabaga fries, Brussels sprouts, pineapple, salmon, and pinto beans.  Dinner time is easy-I just make a plate for her of whatever we're eating and cut it up into smaller bites.

We had a 2-day nursing strike recently that worried me but fortunately was short-lived.  I think teething was to blame.  Whatever it was about, it's over now and all is once again well.  Between that and her waking at night for 2 nights in a room it was an unusually difficult week for her.  Before that I literally can't recall the last time she had woken up during the night.  Fortunately it wasn't the start of a trend.

In general she's still an excellent sleeper.  She usually sleeps from around 8:30PM-8:30AM and takes 2 naps a day.  Her first is usually late morning/early afternoon for about 2 hours and the second if it happens is around an hour-90 minutes in the late afternoon/early evening.  I suspect in the next few months we'll drop the later nap but we'll do that on her schedule.

She was a little clingy to me the past few weeks, probably because Kevin was unavailable for about a week between having the flu (and thus being quarantined away from the rest of us by me) and then traveling for a few days.  It's possible the nursing strike and night waking were related to that as well.  But then, I'm sure her newfound mobility is both exciting and scary too so it could well be related to that.

She hasn't been weighed since her 9 month checkup but it's safe to assume she's still on the light end of the growth chart.  She still fits 9 month clothes pretty well.  She's got 6 teeth now-2 bottom, 4 top, and just cut a 3rd on the bottom too.

She looks a lot like Daniel did at this age.  I thought she had a little more hair than he did at that point but on closer look maybe it's just that hers is a little redder and his was more blonde.  Here's her latest car seat picture:

And here she is in her Christmas outfit:

It's been a fun first 11 months with her.  I can't believe that by the time we unpack our Christmas decorations again we'll have a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 2 year old.  Time to start putting bricks on their heads to keep them from growing up ;)