Since my 6-week postpartum checkup was last Friday I was thinking this was a good time to give a general "state of the union" update on how Daniel and I are coming along, him with his development and me with my recovery:
Daniel Recently we've really noticed how much Daniel has grown. 2 weeks ago we thought he had outgrown newborn size diapers so we went up to level 1, then decided we might have been a bit hasty so we got another round of newborn diapers. By the time we finished that pack though we knew he was ready for level 1. He's also wearing cloth diapers now too and while some of them seemed too big for him even 2 weeks ago they seem to fit better now. Going to give those another week or so to decide which brand we like best before ordering more, but soon we should be mostly in cloth.
Daniel has also graduated to 0-3 month size clothes. Last week we did a "farewell tour" of his newborn size outfits. To see how much he's grown, compare these two pictures of him in his going-home outfit:
This one was taken 4 days after he was born and the inseam, legs, and arms were all too long for him.
Last week the arms were the right length but the legs and inseam were looking short. He's also developing a little Buddha belly to fill it out. And as you can see, he's quite the active little guy!
In other exciting developments, he started smiling right around the 1-month mark. I have yet to capture it on camera but trust me, it's the sweetest, cutest thing you've ever seen. Add in the cooing noises he started making around the same time and it's a heartmelting combination. He is also starting to learn how to use his hands a little. He can grab a finger that's put on his palm and this morning he reached out and touched my face a few times. He doesn't have great control yet but I can tell he is beginning to make more voluntary movements instead of just reflexive flailing around.
Another happy development for us over the past 2 weeks has been a lengthening of his nighttime sleep. His 3am feeding has gradually shifted back to 4 and now 5 and sometimes later, and several nights he has slept for at least 6 hours at a time. We seem to be trending toward eliminating that middle of the night feeding, which will be great news for us. Our daytime sleep patterns are still evolving, but he will pretty consistently nap for around 90 minutes or so at a time in the morning and a few 1 hour naps in the afternoon and evening, though those are less regular.
In the past few weeks he's also begun to have some periods of quiet alertness when he's just looking around and taking it all in. He loves for me to talk to him then. I like to point out facial features on my face and then the same ones on his. I know he can't understand yet but never too early to start, right?
He has also gone from hating his bath to tolerating it to really enjoying it. Kevin fills the tub and gets in and holds Daniel, who smiles and coos. He seems to like having his body submerged in the water up to the shoulders and having water poured over him. His first baths we rushed to get through as quickly as possible but now we stretch it out for 15-20 minutes or until he starts to get fussy. He doesn't get dirty enough to need one more than a few times a week but since he likes them we'll try to give one almost every night. He also doesn't cry very often during diaper changes anymore like he used to. When he does cry now though, he tears up, which makes him look even sadder.
He's still a pretty easy baby and doesn't tend to be very fussy most of the time. That said, last week he was crankier than usual and this past Saturday night he gave my poor mother-in-law a hard time on her first babysitting gig. I had read that fussiness usually peaks around 6 weeks of age so I guess if that's as bad as it'll get, we have it pretty easy.
Me After putting my body through pregnancy, labor, and delivery, I'm happy to report that I'm pretty much recovered. I was a little nervous about how quickly the 37 pounds I put on would come back off but I'm now within about 7 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. I've still got a little bit of a belly and can't fit into my normal size pants and shorts yet, but jeans one size up fit a little loose, and the other night I fit into a normal size dress. My goal was to be back to my pre-baby weight by the time I return to work October 12 and it looks like I have a decent shot of achieving that. Funny, in pre-baby times I'd have felt really out of shape at this weight but right now I'm thrilled with it!
I also have the go-ahead to resume exercise and in the last week I've rollerbladed 10 miles, run 2 miles, and rode my bike almost 5 miles. I overdid it going my normal distance when I rollerbladed so I decided to start with shorter, slower outings on my first run and ride. I definitely feel out of shape but exercise was a big part of my pre-baby life which I really missed as I got farther along in my pregnancy so it's nice to be able to do it again even if I'm not at 100%.
Aside the unfortunate brush with mastitis breastfeeding has been going well. We've come a long way from those first nursing attempts in the hospital when the lactation consultant had to coach me and it felt like every detail had to be exactly right in order to get a latch. In those early days I felt like I needed a spotter to guide me and an extra hand or two and I couldn't have any distractions. Now I can nurse him while working on a laptop and watching tv, eating a sandwich, or lying down in the dark. He's still not fond of the nursing cover I use when other people are around so that's something we'll need to get more comfortable with.
It still feels a little strange to me that "the girls" are actually functional now rather than merely decorative. It's like they've taken on a life of their own, and sometimes that can make things rather inconvenient. But it's nice to watch Daniel grow and know that I'm directly responsible for all of that growth. And as a wonderful side bonus breastfeeding burns 600 calories a day. That's like an hour's worth of pretty intense cardio, just for sitting and watching tv!
Apparently August was National Breastfeeding Awareness Month. So in honor of that, I thought I'd share a few tales from our own adventures in breastfeeding.
All in all, it's going quite well for us. We took a week or so to really get in the groove but now it seems pretty easy for me and my little "boob man." I knew before he was born that I definitely wanted to breastfeed for as long as possible but I didn't realize how much Daniel and I would come to enjoy having that time together. He seems so content nuzzled up on the Boppy pillow and will usually drift off to sleep after a feeding. I like that it's a special job that only I can do for him and that it gives me the power to turn a crying baby into a peaceful one in seconds. Adding pumping to the mix gives me the best of both worlds, the bonding, health benefits, and cost-effectiveness of breastfeeding with the convenience of bottles so Kevin or someone else can feed him on occasion. Despite the inconveniences that come along with it I know I'll miss nursing once he weans off of breast milk.
While it has gone well most of the time, we've had a few interesting moments along the way:
A few weeks ago I took a nap one afternoon and woke up with one of the "girls" feeling very sore. Since it was the side he fed from second at the last feeding I assumed it was just sore from being overly full but the pain remained even though I nursed Daniel on that side first at our next feeding. Then I started to feel really tired so when Kevin got home that evening he watched Daniel so I could nap. When I woke up I came downstairs and felt feverish and cold and achy all over. I thought I must be getting the flu or something then connected the dots and remembered reading about mastitis, a bacterial infection in the breast. I looked it up again and read that symptoms include pain in the affected area as well as flu-like symptoms.
I made an appointment the next morning with my midwife and she was kind enough to squeeze me in between a few patients in labor. She seconded my armchair diagnosis, said my sweet little cherub had given me the infection through germs in his mouth, and prescribed some antibiotics to clear it up. As promised I felt better within 24 hours but despite the instruction to nurse Daniel on the affected side as often as possible I had to improvise by pumping that side instead because nursing hurt so much I actually screamed at one point. Fortunately all was better within a few days but it was an experience I'd be glad to never have again.
On a more humorous note, on my first girl's night out to see a movie with Nicole I stopped off at Destination Maternity to shop for some more nursing bras first. I grabbed a few bras to try on and went into a dressing room. After undressing I grabbed one of the new bras to try on thinking as I did so, "boy would this be an unfortunate time to start leaking!" No sooner did the thought cross my mind then I looked down to find myself dripping onto the floor!
I held the new bra away from me so as not to get on it while frantically digging in the top I'd worn for the nursing pads. The good news is those covered the leak, the bad news is they're adhesive on the clothes side not the body side so before trying on each new bra I'd have to hold the pads to myself with one arm while maneuvering my way into the bra with the other. I could have used at least one more arm for all of that but in the end I was able to get it done and even somehow grab the bottled water the saleslady offered me to drink through the curtain. As all this was happening it crossed my mind that many stores have hidden cameras to prevent theft so if this one did, someone probably got a good laugh out of watching me wrestle with the mischievous girls! Needless to say, this is one of those things I never imagined I'd be doing.
Speaking of things I never imagined myself doing, this past weekend I had my first out of the house pumping experience. We took Daniel on his first road trip to visit my parents in Austin and Saturday we made a day trip to south Texas to introduce Daniel to his great-grandparents. Before we went to dinner that night I tried to get Daniel to nurse but he wasn't very hungry so after we got to the restaurant while everyone else was inside starting the meal I went back out to the car to pump. Fortunately we have an adapter that allows me to use the cigarette lighter outlet for power instead of just batteries so the pump was at full strength but it was more than a little awkward getting everything all set up in the back seat (where the windows are tinted). Further, it started getting really hot in there even with the air on so I cracked the window a little to get a breeze, and then of course a car full of people pulled up and parked right next to me. Granted it was dusk, and I'm sure they couldn't see what I was doing, but given that pumping is usually a private experience I was of course a little self-conscious wondering what they'd think. Thankfully it wasn't daylight and it was much cooler than it has been most of the month so I had the option of cracking the window. It was a better option than the bathroom stall but I hope I don't have many backseat pumping experiences in my future, or at least not while it's still warm out.
Wonder what nursing and pumping adventures await...
This afternoon Daniel and I headed to my friend Emily's house for a playdate with Emily, her 5 month old son Noah, Nicole, and 5 month old Alejandro. It was amazing to see how much bigger the other boys are than Daniel...Emily and Nicole said they couldn't believe their kids were ever as small as Daniel, while I can't believe he'll be as big as they are before long! Ale and Noah are able to hold their heads up and grasp rattles and toys with their hands which of course Daniel can't do yet, but he did show off his latest trick, smiling. He started smiling a few days ago and I love when he rewards me with one.
The afternoon was fun and the boys kept it lively by making sure at least one of them was awake and making noise at every moment. Two would nap at the same time but we could never get all 3. I was pleased that when Daniel got a little fussy, he calmed right down and even fell asleep when I put him in the ring sling. He really seems to take well to that.
Toward the end of the day we lined the boys up on a blanket for picture time. Daniel and Ale were wearing the same outfit but Ale's 6-month size was almost too small and Daniel's 3-monther was a little too big. It was funny to see skinny little Daniel between those two big boys. They started flailing their arms around hitting each other, much to the amusement of the mommies.
One month ago today our lives were forever changed at 11:16am when our sweet little boy entered the world. Somehow it's hard to believe 31 days have already passed since then. I don't know what he weighs or measures right now but I can tell he's gotten bigger. He's getting a bit of a Buddha belly and his newborn clothes are getting a little snug.
Here are a few pictures of him at 1 month old. I'll take a picture every month on the 21st so we can track his growth.
We're still getting to know each other but I'm already thoroughly smitten with the little guy. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: - The faces he makes after a feeding as he drifts off to sleep. His eyes roll back, he moves his mouth like he's eating then gets this lazy gummy grin. I know it's not a true smile yet, just an involuntary muscle movement, but it's so cute. - The way he rests his face on his elbows after I burp him on my shoulder. - The look he makes when he raises his head and closes his eyes, usually as part of a yawn. - How when he lets go after nursing sometimes he'll have milk running down his chin. - His uncanny ability to free his arms from a swaddle, no matter how tight, and raise them over his head and stretch when he yawns (see picture below). - The way he furrows his brow and looks so concerned sometimes like he's just not sure about what's going on. - How peaceful he looks when he's sleeping. - Though I don't like to see it often, the big fish-mouth frown he makes when he's unhappy is pretty cute. - How much he loves being worn in my new ring sling when I'm making breakfast, putting away laundry or getting the mail.
Mainly though, I love him because he's ours. When I look at him I see the living embodiment of the love Kevin and I have and it's amazing to think we created him from almost nothing and now he's a living, breathing little person. I love that we'll get to watch him discover his world and learn new things. I can't wait for the smiles of recognition when he sees me, to hear him laugh for the first time, call me mommy, and tell me he loves me.
But all of that's off in the future. For now I'll just love him for the beautiful one month old baby he is and be thankful for this wonderful little blessing we have. How lucky are we?
Saturday morning Daniel's umbilical cord stump finally came off after 3 1/2 weeks. I had always thought it only took a week or two so I was starting to worry we might be sending him off to kindergarten with that thing still attached but no, it's finally gone. Good thing too because it was getting stinky.
With that milestone accomplished we decided it was time for our big boy to get his first real bath. I didn't record most of it but you can see how he felt about the experience. Let's hope he warms to the idea soon...
Wednesday, July 21: Into the world, off to the NICU As I mentioned in the birth story post, Daniel aspirated some meconium before delivery so a NICU team was standing by to tend to him when he was born. Within probably 15 minutes of the birth, and after I'd only gotten to hold him for a few short minutes, Daniel was taken to the NICU.
Here are pictures of me holding him for the first time. I never noticed till now that the nurse handing him to me was in a plastic suit. I guess the whole NICU team probably was but it didn't register at the time.
After Cecily finished sewing me up and we had gotten our things packed we moved to our recovery room on the 7th floor then headed over to the NICU nursery to visit Daniel. My parents came with us to meet their first grandchild.
When we first saw Daniel he was lying on his tummy in an incubator bassinet with a big breathing mask strapped to his face and a feeding tube in his mouth and taped to his cheek. He had a hep lock in his right arm for an IV and a big soft blue pad strapped to his arm so he wouldn't scratch himself or try to pull out an IV. He also had wires taped to his chest to monitor his heart and more wires on his foot to measure who knows what. It looked like so much equipment on such a tiny little body, and to top it off he had antibiotic ointment in his eyes.
Despite all of that, he still looked beautiful. We were also impressed by the way he was already lifting his head up and trying to move around. He might have been covered in wires and tubes but he was proving himself to be a strong little boy already.
We didn't get to hold him on that visit because he was hooked up to the CPap breathing machine. But when we came back a few hours later his breathing had improved enough that he was off the CPap and breathing with a nasal cannula tube (like what people on oxygen tanks use).
Now that he was off the CPap we could hold him. For Kevin this was his first time. We also dressed him in some of the newborn clothes we'd brought. Unfortunately we hadn't counted on a 4 day hospital stay so we didn't pack enough clothes for him (or us) so he had to wear hospital shirts most of the time. But getting to hold Daniel and dress him in his own clothes gave us a little more of a chance to bond and feel more like his parents and less like visitors.
Thursday, July 22: The good news, the bad news, and a very ugly diaper change The next morning Dr. Moin, the NICU doctor caring for Daniel, came by our room and told us that over the night Daniel's breathing had improved enough to remove the nasal cannula and let him breathe room air. We were optimistic that since the initial reason for his NICU stay had been resolved we might get to take him home soon.
But as we learned, news in the NICU tended to follow a pattern of one step forward, one step back. A few hours later came the news that Daniel's white blood cell count reflected a high number of immature white cells. Dr. Moin explained that this could be a sign of bacterial infection or just be related to the normal stress of birth. To find out, they would run cultures and see what they found in 48 hours and in the meantime Daniel would be given antibiotics preventatively. Even assuming all was fine, this meant the best case scenario didn't have Daniel going home sooner than Saturday morning.
Thursday and Friday we were still staying in our NICU recovery room. We learned the NICU's schedule of feeding every 3 hours on the 3's and timed our visits so we could feed him and change his diaper.
One thing Baylor was great about was supporting breastfeeding. Wednesday afternoon a hospital breast pump was delivered to our room so I could start pumping, and whatever we collected from that we'd take to the NICU in syringes to be fed to Daniel.
My ideal birth plan had called for Daniel to room in with us and be exclusively breastfed, but in the NICU they require the babies to eat 40ml at every feeding and before the milk comes in, a nursing mom couldn't possibly produce enough so they had to supplement with formula. We did give him whatever milk I was able to pump and I got help from several of the hospital's lactation consultants as we made our first attempts at breastfeeding. It may be a natural process but it certainly didn't come naturally to Daniel or me right away so their advice really helped.
On one visit Thursday we were changing his diaper and experienced a close encounter of the gross kind. We had taken off the dirty diaper and were wiping Daniel's booty when he decided it was time to poop again. As we were cleaning up the new mess and laughing hysterically Daniel started spitting up so I left Kevin to tend to the diaper mess while I wiped up the spit-up (and yes, I would say I got the better end of that deal!). Before we could put a new diaper on, Daniel decided to add another bodily function to the mix and peed all over his shirt and Kevin's hand. We put a new diaper on quickly before Daniel could unleash something else then changed the shirt (which was quite hard with the hep lock and blue pad on the right arm and all the wires to work around). That would have been the end of the drama except that as Kevin was trying to fold up the dirty diaper he stuck his finger right in the poopy part! Needless to say during all of this Daniel was crying frantically, no doubt as startled as we were by all that output from 3 sources in such a short time!
Friday, July 23: Feeding troubles While Daniel was otherwise doing well the NICU team was concerned because he wasn't eating 40ml of milk/formula at his feedings. Whatever he didn't take from a bottle they gave him through the feeding tube in his nose, aka "gavage." Sometimes he'd get close to taking the full 40 but other times he'd take half or less. It seemed like all of our time with him was spent trying to make him eat rather than getting to hold and enjoy him.
I remember one feeding Friday night when he was just not hungry and we had to give up and have him gavaged. We held him while the gavage was going and he seemed so content in our arms like he just wanted us to love on him instead of trying to force-feed him. It was hard because there was so little we were able to do as his parents at that point and it felt like we weren’t even succeeding at the main job we could help with.
The nurse on duty said even if the blood cultures came back negative and everything else looked good, they couldn't discharge him till he was eating well. It felt like he'd be there forever. It was especially frustrating because they even agreed with me that if he was rooming in with us he'd just be getting a little colostrum every day and that would be all he needed, but because he was in the NICU he was on what seemed to be an arbitrary schedule and dosage. I made it through 37 hours of labor and pushing with no medication and very little sleep and don't recall crying at all but the frustrations with feeding definitely brought out the tears.
Friday evening we were discharged from our hospital room but rather than go home we checked into a room at the hospital hotel. The room was certainly nothing to write home about but at least we were close enough that one or both of us could still make every feeding, even the middle of the night ones. Leaving our hospital room and going to the hotel rather than home was the hardest time of the whole birth and hospital stay for me. It hit me then that we didn't know when we'd get to take him home and just when it had looked like all we had to do was wait for the blood cultures, now the feeding issue was looming over everything and suggesting our stay might be extended again even though he was otherwise healthy.
The absolute low point for me came around 2:45 Saturday morning. I had woken up at 2:15 to pump some milk to take and feed him at 3:00. I sat on the edge of the bed pumping in the dark then walked the halls to the NICU tired but looking forward to seeing and feeding my son. When I arrived the nurse said Daniel had woken up early and while they tried to hold him off with a pacifier, he was hungry and she'd had to give him his bottle. He had sucked down the whole thing and was now sound asleep. I was so disappointed at having gone through all that and not even getting to hold him that I headed back to the hotel crying and it wasn't till I was halfway back that I realized the good news that he had taken a full bottle for the first time.
Saturday, July 24: Close but no cigar As it turned out, Daniel wouldn’t need to be gavaged anymore from that point on. When Kevin went back at 6 Daniel took a full bottle from him, he nursed well from me at 9, and we went back at noon optimistic about the blood cultures and hoping this might be the day we got to take him home.
The good news was that the cultures were negative, so there was no infection. But in NICU fashion, there was also some less positive news. Another blood measurement for C-reactive protein, which had tested high the day before, had fallen significantly but hadn't yet dropped to the normal range. So, while Daniel had no infection and was eating well, he still couldn't go home. The doctor said they wanted to keep him till Sunday morning and check his CRP and assuming it was normal, Daniel would be discharged. While we were disappointed to be facing yet another day of staying at the hotel and seeing him only for feedings we were glad that momentum had turned.
Daniel continued to eat well throughout the day, nursing from me and taking bottles of pumped milk from Kevin. We woke up Sunday feeling very optimistic.
Sunday, July 25: Free at last! Sunday morning the doctor said the CRP hadn't quite dropped to normal but was close enough and showing sufficient progress that they were ready to discharge him. We set about packing up our room, loading the car, and getting Daniel's car seat and going-home outfit ready.
Here’s Daniel in his going-home outfit, which reads “Daddy’s #1 draft pick.” The hospital photographer suggested this pose and as she was taking her professional pictures I was snapping away behind her with my camera.
The discharge seemed to take forever but soon enough he'd had (and passed) his hearing test and gotten his picture taken, we'd packed up all the contents of his bassinet tray (along with keepsakes like his wristband and blood pressure cuff), and it was time to go. We put him into his carseat and we were finally on our way home. As we pulled out of the garage I pulled out my sunglasses for the first time in 5 days.
On the way home we pointed out landmarks to a sleeping Daniel telling him about places we wanted to take him. Once we got him home I carried him around all the rooms and then sat rocking him for a long time in the recliner in his room, so happy to finally have our little boy home.
Daniel received wonderful care in the NICU and the nurses and doctors there were great, but being separated from him for so much of the day and being limited in what we could do with and for him was a rough way to begin parenthood. Looking around the NICU certainly gave us a lot of perspective though. Daniel was among the healthiest babies we saw and over some of the bassinets we saw signs wishing the baby occupant a happy 2-month or 3-month birthday. Some of the parents waited weeks and even months to take their baby home while others were just praying that they would ever be able to take their baby home and most of the other NICU parents would have happily traded places with us. I know that by comparison 4 days, during which his health was never at serious risk, is a small inconvenience. But I also know that someday when we give Daniel a little sister or brother if we're lucky enough to have an uncomplicated birth and room in with our baby, I definitely won't take it for granted.
And the NICU experience did have a few silver linings (aside from the obvious one of ensuring we took home a healthy baby). I hadn't planned to bottle feed for the first few weeks because I was worried introducing a bottle, even of expressed milk, too soon might derail my attempts to get breastfeeding established. But since Daniel took bottles in the NICU and it didn't seem to interfere with nursing we have a schedule that lets Kevin give several feedings in a row of expressed milk every night so I can get some sleep and Kevin and Daniel get some boy bonding time.
Also, before we had Daniel I had imagined that when we left the hospital we might be feeling overwhelmed and anxious about how to care for him. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe they're actually going to let me leave with this baby!" But after 4 days of worrying about him, getting up at all hours of the night to walk the long halls, just to take advantage of every chance I could to see him, feed him, and even change his diaper, I realized I wasn't nervous when it was time to take him home. I may not have known how to do everything (and still don’t, and never will) but I knew the mother instincts were there and that we’d be fine.
And almost three weeks later, we are doing just fine. We're still learning on the job and there have been some hard hours and days but on the whole things are going quite well. Daniel has been perfectly healthy since we brought him home and the little boy who had to be gavaged because he wouldn't eat is now quite the eater and getting bigger, weighing 7lb 8oz at his checkup last week and measuring 21 inches, up from 7lb and 20in at delivery. Looking at him now you wouldn't believe he was ever anything less than completely healthy. And when I have to get up early to feed him, or he won't go down for a nap, or he pees all over the place when I'm changing his diaper, I can remind myself that at least I am lucky enough to have him to take care of round the clock in my own house rather than having to scrub in to visit him in the NICU every few hours.
The other night Kevin was holding Daniel and discovered that he can roll himself over from his tummy to his back. Granted, being in the swaddler probably helped but I think it's still pretty impressive for an 11-day old! We've also found that if we lie down and put him facedown on our tummies, he'll kind of army-crawl up to our heads if we support his feet. It's funny to see him moving like this now and think of him doing similar movements inside of me for the past few months.
